But whatever you do, don't give up hope! There are powerful and
effective solutions for this common problem!
on the red cross >>
My self-help treatment
program is a good way to address the symptoms and root causes of ejaculation
problems in the privacy of
your own home.
Treatment Is Related to Cause
As you can see here, treatment
depends on the cause of your problem.
1) For Physical Or Medical Issues
If a man's delayed ejaculation is due to
a side effect of
medication, treatment may include changing the nature of the medication
which he is taking.
Sometimes doctors look out for vascular or neuropathic damage, and other causes,
such as spinal injury, which may be irreversible. Here, a man may have to find other
ways of gaining sexual
pleasure and satisfying his partner.
If a man has low testosterone levels, he may need
testosterone replacement therapy.
2) For Psychological Issues
Treatment Of Delayed Ejaculation
A combination of several approaches
usually works well.
But some attention to a couple's relationship
will almost always
help a couple have better sex, no matter what the cause
of the man's ejaculatory problems.
More specific example? Well, for example, it
might be helpful to increase a man's
confidence around sex, or to lessen his sense that he must be in control
all the time during sex, thereby allowing him to give up the belief that
he must work hard to please his partner during intercourse.
When he relaxes about sex, when he is able to
give up control, when he is able to take as much pleasure during sex as he
gives his partner, he will be much more likely to be able to ejaculate inside
his partner without difficulty.
Often, a man who is experiencing slow
arousal and a long delay before he ejaculates can reach orgasm during masturbation
- and sometimes during
foreplay - but not during intercourse.
One way of dealing with this is for the man concerned
to try a series of
progressive desensitization exercises: he may
start by developing the ability to achieve climax in the presence of his
partner when she is, let's say, across the room, then gradually work his
way nearer to her, until he can "come" just outside his partner's vagina,
and from there he can gradually develop the ability to release (i.e.
ejaculate) inside her.
Another approach is sensate focus, a treatment which involves the couple
working through a series of stages, starting with mutual touching and
gradually moving on to mutual masturbation and penetrative vaginal sex.
All of these approaches to treating ejaculatory
dysfunction are described in a simple and comprehensive way on this
website, with clear instructions which will allow you to follow the
treatment regime yourselves and develop full ability to enjoy intercourse.
See the treatment program advertised at the top of the right hand column
of this page....
Stimulation Techniques For Slow
Since sex can be so pleasurable, common sense
tells us that men who are unable to ejaculate during sex must have either
a high threshold for sexual arousal (perhaps due to fear or some other
emotion) or require exceptional levels of stimulation during sex and
masturbation to trigger their ejaculatory reflex.
But delayed (also known as retarded) ejaculation is involuntary and
mostly unconscious, so the reasons why there are problems with ejaculation
may not be obvious at first.
As with other sexual dysfunctions, the objective
of retarded ejaculation treatment is to achieve normal sexual
Often, the main aim is to eliminate the need for
high levels of sexual stimulation, so a man can ejaculate normally during
sexual activity, with the natural levels of stimulation that couples give
and receive during sex.
If a man is inhibited or over-controlled during
sex, then desensitization will help to
provide increased stimulation, reduce the man's need for control, and
reduce the impact of any fears or anxieties which inhibit his sexual arousal.
Sometimes these are unexpected - for
example, some men have an aversion to the vagina.
treatment is designed to reduce a man's need to be in control during sex and allow
him to receive more sexual stimulation by being more relaxed and
technique depends on two basic ideas: that desensitization can help a man
to feel less anxious in situations which he previously found threatening,
and that extra conscious awareness of what turns him on can increase his
arousal and permit him to relax into his sensual nature.
Of course these two techniques go hand in hand.
Together the two components offer an effective treatment.
Before a program of desensitization can be
applied in the treatment of delays in ejaculating, it's helpful to
know what is causing this sexual dysfunction in the first place.
This information is the starting point to design
a series of behaviors, each of which is less anxiety provoking than the
previous one because of the adaptation which has gone before it.
Two factors involved in causing delayed
ejaculation are high-frequency harsh masturbatory techniques and the way a
man may have an inner world of fantasy which is very different to the
outward form of his sexual behavior with his partner.
To overcome this, he can learn to take his
masturbation fantasies into his sexual relationship, which will help to
reduce feelings of guilt and bring his inner and outer sexual behavior
more in line.
In a 1997 review of treatment methods for delayed
ejaculation, Heiman and Meston came to the conclusion that there were so
few controlled studies of treating delayed ejaculation that it was
impossible to work out if any treatments were really effective!
However, my work with men who have DE shows me
that treatment is not only possible but can be very effective.
This can reassure men who have DE, and the
therapists who work with them, that a cure is not only possible but
actually rather easily achieved - and you can overcome it at home,
resolving the problem on your own or with your partner.
Most men ejaculate far too quickly, but
as you will know if you have DE, this condition means
that lovemaking goes on and on and on .....often for so long that a woman
becomes bored, sore and frustrated, while the man become angry, shamed and
anxious about his inability to satisfy his partner and ejaculate during
Fortunately a reliable cure is available,
and it's one you can use at home, in privacy. It's based on the methods
used by professional sex therapist, and it's available for download from
this website. Click the red link above and you'll be ejaculating normally
while you make love in no time at all.
A Problem With Delayed Orgasm
An email which arrived a little while
ago reads like this:
Hello. I have subscribed to your service because I am unable to
ejaculate during sexual intercourse as my wife and I make love.
A little bit about my
history with this problem might help you understand and help me better.
I am 36 years old and have been married a little over 3 years. I was a
virgin when I was married and have never achieved orgasm and have always
been unable to ejaculate during our lovemaking
without masturbating myself to do so and then release inside of her.
was raised with a "religious moral" mindset and my family
almost never talked
about sex and when they did it was negative, as in "you are too young to
know about that", "it's wrong (until you're married)", "it's something we
don't talk about". So my earliest memories of sex after being told what
it was by an older brother were that it was bad and that I shouldn't
even know about it - but I did!
I had an early fascination with masturbation
(pre-puberty) and self exploration which may or may not be "normal" - I
masturbated often as a teenager, however, I never was able to achieve an
orgasm (except in occasional wet dreams) and I was unable to ejaculate
during masturbation until I was 23 years old.
My sexual fantasies during my teen years were
heterosexual yet I also felt drawn toward the masculine, mostly because
I never had strong male friendships and was not good at sports and I
envied other guys of a certain stereotype of the masculine.
I dated in high school and college, yet never got
very physically intimate with my girlfriends because I feared that I
wouldn't be able to ejaculate, and indeed, until my sophomore year of
college I never penetrated my girlfriend.
Needless to say I did not ejaculate - I simply
could not come inside a woman during sex. I was a boyfriend with a
complete failure to ejaculate during mutual masturbation, oral sex or
intercourse. Not much of a boyfriend, really, and I think it was around
then that I gave up the idea of ever being a husband and father.
I viewed pornography in my senior year of high school
and how I wished it was me that was ejaculating with those
porn stars! During the time I
used porn, I realized the
addictive potential of this and gave it up, but the sexual fantasies I read
stayed in my mind, and I also began writing my own sex fantasies to
masturbate to - they were full of boyfriends shafting women and
ejaculating all over them, but not, interestingly, inside them during
Soon after I left college I married. This was,
naturally, a mistake. I guess I thought my difficulties with sex would end
in a relationship, but they didn't.
After a while, however, when I grew to trust my
partner, and I found I could ejaculate on a woman's body, albeit by
masturbating myself. I feel ashamed that I am a husband unable to
ejaculate during lovemaking.
I must emphasize I have not had trouble coming
when in the company of a woman, but it remains impossible for me to
Sometimes I have to use heavy duty fantasy to
reach orgasm, and this makes me feel bad too, because when I'm off
exploring fantasy in my head it isn't as though I have a real relationship
with my partner during sex.
When I married I did not expect to have the difficulty with ejaculating in sex that I am now having.
My wife is a very sexual woman and I
love her deeply. She was a virgin when we were married and so we
have learned together. She has been very supportive of my
ejaculation, and loving toward me through this in ways I never could
I do not have problems being sexually aroused by
her although I am more aroused by physical touch than visual. I do find
her body attractive and sexy and enjoy sexual intercourse with her despite
the fact that I have not achieved release inside her the natural way.
It has been better at times than other times.
Sometimes I feel more stimulation than other times. A number of times it
has been very intense to the point that orgasm felt inevitable yet I was
still completely unable to reach a normal ejaculation.
Sex sometimes ended with me being exhausted and
unable to take the extremely pleasurable sensations on my penis any
longer. Usually it feels very good but not quite to that level. And
sometimes I don't feel very much arousal at all.
I have gone through counseling on my own, although
it was not a sex therapist. We have had a few counseling sessions with a
sex therapist together, although didn't feel that he was very helpful. He
did not have specific exercises for us to try as your method
Is it possible I require a higher degree of
sexual stimulation than most men? I think it might also be my subconscious mindset
that is the problem. However, I have taken great strides and believe
that my views on sex have drastically altered. I am much less inhibited
than I was.
I love my wife and we want to be "one together"
with me getting over this problem of being unable to ejaculate inside her.
We do have a two year old as a result of masturbating to the point of
orgasm and me then releasing my semen inside her. She has been able to
masturbate me to orgasm although this takes a very long time and usually
results in frustration for both of us.
So when we have intercourse I either masturbate
myself to orgasm or I don't have one. I have pretty much given up
masturbating on my own apart from being together with my wife, thinking
that it will help to solely focus on her when I do it.
Occasionally I will still masturbate and
occasionally slip into old sexual fantasies, maybe a couple times a year.
Usually when I have masturbated I focus on my own body, I like to watch
myself, etc. So now when I am with her I masturbate focusing on her and
her body and being with her and the desire I have to ejaculate inside her
without any delay in ejaculation.
She has been very supportive as I have mentioned,
but it is having an effect on both of us after three years. Other aspects
of our marriage are fine and we get along great and are best friends.
Sometimes we are able to enjoy lovemaking for what it is without me having
an orgasm and other times we are left frustrated from trying.
She is often able to achieve orgasm from my
thrusting in her vagina which is pleasurable for both of us.
I have always felt very free being naked with her
without any degree of shame whatsoever. I love being naked with her and
holding her close since we have been married. We are both healthy and in
decent shape, not overweight or any other physical concerns or