Delayed Ejaculation 
You And Your Partner

Don't despair! There are solutions for this common problem!  And we have them.

Many men think they are alone with this problem, but in fact it's surprisingly common - about 1 man in 10 has a problem with delayed ejaculation.

And there are some simple, easy techniques which can help a man to ejaculate during sex - and the good news is you can use them in the privacy of your own home!

Whatever the causes of your difficulty ejaculating, our amazing treatment program can help. Easy to follow instructions are backed up by enjoyable "sexercises" to do with your partner, all designed to enable you to come in a reasonable time - and these changes can happen within weeks.


Orgasm Delays During Sex Are Not A Great Experience!

Some men think that being able to make love for as long as you wish without ejaculating must be a good thing. But most of these men have premature ejaculation issues and want to last longer in bed.

Men with delayed ejaculation (or DE, as we can call it) know the reality can be totally different. Frustration, lack of pleasure, a dissatisfied and grumpy partner, relationship problems.... and more.

A lot of women complain that men don't last long enough during sex, and many think they would be able to reach orgasm without difficulty if their man could make love for longer.

symbol of delayed ejaculationBut there's lasting long enough and then there's lasting too long.... and the simple fact is that in most couples with DE, a man's endless thrusting without climax makes the woman bored, sore due to loss of her lubrication, and fed up with the lack of climax.

In short, DE can be a pain in the ass for men and women alike. We need to understand why it happens, for the benefit of everyone!

Indeed, both partners may be sore and frustrated, and the woman often feels a considerable degree of resentment or sees it as some kind of reflection on her when the man does not ejaculate during intercourse.

Not surprisingly, relationships sometimes break down because of DE, simply because the woman (less often the man) simply cannot cope with the absence of a natural climax during lovemaking.

Most often, a couple seek treatment when they wish to have a baby or the relationship is threatened.

Can't Ejaculate During Sex?

Read this page about one couple's experience of ejaculation problems.

Here's what one guy emailed to me about his experience of DE:

Thank you for putting together this website and for the very reasonable price to access the very enlightening information and ideas in your treatment program!

I have read through the content and so far this has helped me see some things from a new set of eyes and dispel some unhealthy and non-productive thought processes which have been inhibiting me mental blindspots, so to speak.

Besides wishing just to say thank you for this very honest and practical website that thankfully avoids some kind of unhelpful "magic pill" phony solution, I would like some specific help as the material can sometimes lean towards solutions with the help of a partner, and I am single.

I will briefly describe my situation to clarify the help I would appreciate: I actually first had sex much later than most men.  

I was always very horny as an adolescent and was never shy to masturbate. I was always easily turned on and still am, and get erect straight away with women from either cuddling, kissing, dancing, etc even sometimes when talking over the phone non-sexually but simply being excited by the girl nonetheless!

Women have even commented on how I'm hard so soon and that they like this because they don't need to turn me on.

The problems started from my first time having sex with a girl. I was SO nervous I got extremely cold and was physically shaking.

When I eventually pulled myself together and the interaction with her was building and we were about to have sex, as soon as it became 100% certain and there was no turning back and we were going to have sex, at that moment where I had to step up and insert my penis, I got nervous again and lost my erection.

Orgasm Delay Due To Emotional Pressure

After that I settled down and the girl wanted to go to sleep, but I got aroused again and was desperate to have sex. Something wasn't right - I couldn't even ejaculate during intercourse.

men may emotionally distance themselves from a partner if they have delayed ejaculationThis exact cycle repeated with other girls.

Each time I would beat myself up more and more and couldn't understand how I could be so aroused but when it came time to have sex it felt like my penis lost all feeling and I completely lost my erection.

I made it worse for myself by thinking how this shouldn't happen to a man, and telling myself that no-one else suffered from this. It was only as I got more experienced that I realized alcohol plays its part, which even though these early sexual experiences came from nights out and there was drink involved, I dismissed.

I also discovered through social interactions with girls when they would be talking with either me or their friends about their sexual experiences that they all had stories of the guy just going soft. However by the time this happened the seeds of failure had already been sown.

Eventually, I had sex with a girl who became my long term girlfriend and this problem went away, however intermittently I would suffer from ejaculatory delay.

Since being single now both problems have re-occurred either together or exclusively which has led me to researching the internet and finding your site. I want to stop this happening!

I have taken as honest a look as possible at myself and tried to find out what is going on in my head. I really want the information necessary to understand what is happening to me! Here is where I think my problems stem from, and I would love your thoughts and experienced insights:

  • Because of the problems above, I learned to become good at foreplay (I guess as a defense mechanism so that even if I couldn't perform, I could satisfy her and make her orgasm) and I naturally get turned on by her being turned on, which I love. But this leaves me getting in my head and being tied up too much in if she is enjoying it to the point that if she isn't then neither will I.
  • I got body-shy as an adolescent and thought I had a small penis, as I think I'm a "grower not a shower" so to speak, but when erect I am above average size and had compliments from women which I felt were just kind-hearted encouragement. Does a lack of self-confidence play a part in my delayed climax, do you think?
  • I had a deep rooted sense that women don't enjoy sex and do it as a favor for the man ("lie back and think of your duty" sort of thing), where this came from I can only guess, maybe from the media or women joking about sexually incompetent men, or maybe the stereotype of the woman making the man wait for sex... However, this led me to make the incorrect links and associations in my head. DE is not so simple, I know that now!
  • I have my own unique way of masturbating, its sort of a fingers and thumb grip, quite hard with no real contact with my palm. The other thing is the rhythm of it, it is normal and then when I get the natural good feelings of arousal up the shaft I follow them up to the head of the penis and change to a shorter more vigorous motion to enhance the feeling. However this has led to problems now because women use a more standard, softer grip with a standard up down motion and obviously they can't feel those feelings I get in the shaft of my penis so don't know to change the motion. (Editor's note: traumatic masturbatory syndrome is a common cause of problems ejaculating.)
  • I have always felt embarrassed talking about sex and self-conscious of being some type of sleazy guy around women. When instead I should realize my desires come from the right place and they are healthy and what being a man is all about.
  • I have in the past masturbated against my mattress but I can count on my hand the number of times I've done this. It leads me to ejaculate quite quickly.
  • As I got into my head about needing to be the best at foreplay, I have started to see that I neglected the fact that I need turning-on too, and yet I couldn't answer a girl if she asked me how or where I like to be touched. I have made the mistake that just because I am erect that I am turned on!
  • The big one that I feel really applies to me is that I can't let go, enjoy the moment and lose myself in the sex, I am a bit of a control freak and perfectionist with myself! Is this the cause of my difficulties with ejaculation?
    I am more in my head than body, wondering if  she enjoys it, am I taking too long to cum, what 'should' I be doing next to overcome my ejaculation "slowness"? And for some reason I get really self conscious about how I'll look and sound when I climax and get embarrassed, ridiculous huh?!
    And this is what I feel is the major issue for me! Rationally I look at it and say, "I love nothing more than to see her cum because of me" but I can't seem to apply it to the same truth that she is wanting to see and feel me cum, maybe it stems from the 'women not liking sex' thing I mentioned before.
     
  • paruresis - is it related to delayed ejaculation?I don't know if it's related but I also get pee shy at urinals.
     
  • When I feel myself not ejaculating, in vain I then try to access my masturbation fantasies but they don't come to mind.

I feel a lot of these problems have stemmed from me making false links in my head about what I thought sex was and how it was supposed to work when I was younger.

I can rationalize now but this deeper stuff is coming back to bite me on the ass! I am now trying to replace all this negative programming with truth about the actual reality of the situation.

Can you give me information that will help me overcome my difficulties with ejaculation?

As I wrote before I found that the majority of the techniques need a supporting partner and I am single. But so far:

  • I am changing how I masturbate to how a woman would do it;
  • Not over-masturbating by just trying to ejaculate as quickly as possible;
  • Working on getting out of my head and into my body; and
  • Realizing that I need to be actually turned on to ejaculate and simply being erect is not the real sign of being properly aroused.

Could you please help me with your insights into what  I've outlined above and also strategies, techniques or further reading for the single man trying to solve this on his own e.g. the right mentality, how to relax into my body and get out of the anxious thought processing that are holding me back, e.g. being self conscious how I look when I cum, etc .

Thank you again so much for the insights you have given so far, they have been very helpful and am I working on them with the commitment to get through this.

Other pages on this site

Home ] Introduction To Delayed Ejaculation ] Delayed Ejaculation Definition ] Causes of Delayed Ejaculation ] [ Effects Of Delayed Ejaculation ] Treatment Of Delayed Ejaculation ] Contact ] Privacy policy ] Disclaimer ] About ]

More On The Effects And Advice for Couples

Male Ejaculation Difficulty - Advice For Couples ] Constructive Advice For Couples ] How To Overcome The Problem ] For Men, Wives, Husbands, Boyfriends ]

 

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Videos You Might Find Helpful - Effects Of DE

 


 

Key Points

Why Did This Guy Develop Ejaculation Problems?

Acquired DE

"I have my own unique way of masturbating, its sort of a fingers and thumb grip, quite hard with no real contact with my palm."

"I have in the past masturbated against my mattress..."

"I actually first had sex much later than most men.  I was always very horny as an adolescent and was never shy to masturbate. I was always easily turned on and still am..."

 "The problems started from one time having sex with a girl. I was SO nervous I got extremely cold and was physically shaking."

"After that I got aroused again and was desperate to have sex..... but I couldn't even ejaculate during intercourse."

"This exact cycle repeated with other girls. Each time I would beat myself up more and more and couldn't understand how I could be so aroused but when it came time to have sex it felt like my penis lost all feeling and I completely lost my erection."

"Because of the problems above, I learned to become good at foreplay (I guess as a defense mechanism so that even if I couldn't perform, I could satisfy her and make her orgasm)..."

 

Just How Does A Partner See Her Man's Ejaculation Issues?

Lifelong DE

"I was a virgin when I was married and have never achieved orgasm and have always been unable to ejaculate during our lovemaking without masturbating myself to do so and then release inside of her."

"I couldn't even reach orgasm during masturbation until I was 23."

"I was raised with a 'religious moral' mindset and my family almost never talked about sex and when they did it was negative."

"I couldn't ejaculate inside my girlfriend at college.... soon after we left college I married. This was, of course, a mistake."

"Sometimes I don't feel very much arousal at all. Is it possible I require a higher degree of sexual stimulation than most men? I think it might also be my subconscious mindset that is the problem. However, I have taken great strides and believe that my views on sex have drastically altered. I am much less inhibited than I was."

I love my wife and we want to be merged with her in sex... We do have a two year old as a result of masturbating to the point of orgasm and me then releasing my semen inside her."

 "She has been able to masturbate me to orgasm although this takes a very long time and usually results in frustration for both of us."

 

 

Damn Those Internet Forums!

"I really can't ejaculate during sex! What woman wants to spend time on internet forums (as mine has done) stating that her husband can't ejaculate during lovemaking and asking for advice? This situation cannot be allowed to continue!"

 

 

Mumsnet

Hi there! My partner has delayed ejaculation and is unable to ejaculate inside me. However, if he masturbates to a point just before he comes he just manages to get inside me to release - I'm wondering if anyone else knows about this and has managed to conceive? We would really like to get pregnant but I am not really sure if it will happen.
Any advice or tips would be welcome.

Read what happens next.

 

 

I want to be pregnant but it won't happen...

...it's not really a sexless marriage, he wants sex all the time.....but the problem is he gets hard, remains erect for hours, but can't come, and when he thinks about it he loses his erection, so we begin again and he gets hard and off we go again. But  after 2 hours trying last night we decided to give up... It's so hard to be positive, he absolutely loves sex, and he is so horny all the time, but I find it almost like acting because he never, never ejaculates....

Read what happens next.

 

Updated August 12, 2016